Being back has been hard.
I probably did this to myself because I predicted this would be the case before we left. The thing is, we were just getting into the swing of things here in Brazil and we left just as we were getting adjusted. The kids were finally adapting to a new school and new way of doing things. There was talk of a few new friends and even a few play dates. I had started up a few things, one of them being Portuguese lessons. I guess it just feels daunting to start all over again.
I was actually surprised by how much I missed being back in the U.S! We are excited about our new adventure out here but there was a tangible weight taken off my shoulders going home. At one point on the trip, Thais wanted to have lunch at school with all of her friends. We offered to pick up lunch for her and a friend and have them eat together at school. I set out to do this, along with a million other errands, and I relished the fact that everything was so darn EASY. The driving, ordering food in English, the minivan, the convenience. Just going to the kids school alone out here is really stressful. I have to call a taxi because the school is about 40 minutes away (not ready to drive that yet) and somehow communicate with the cab driver in really, really bad Portuguese. The whole time I am in the cab there is this constant subconscious worry about my safety. It's more the São Paulo traffic than anything else, but I am always acutely aware that I am a new girl in a new country and I can't speak the language.
The other thing I missed are the American stores. I fully admit this is lame, but I may have gotten a little emotional walking through Walmart/Target/Costco and Trader Joes ;) I just couldn't get over the surplus of choices. We can buy almost any genre of food and there are a hundred things to choose from. Thais has a cute friend here in our complex and she came over last night and she said to Thais excitedly, "You are Back! Now tell me EVERYTHING you bought at Target!" It is quite common to hear expats out here dreaming of roaming the isles of that beloved store!
I suppose I just have to remind myself that that is why I wanted to come... to change my focus a bit. I love the U.S. dearly but I knew I could learn some things from another culture. It's harder here in Brazil in a lot of ways but Brazilians are happier. Maybe I will write something sometime about why I think that is, but for now I think it's because "stuff" isn't the priority, people are. I miss the ease of being home, but I can already feel that my perspective on life/gratitude/people/blessings has changed for the better.
So, while I am getting through the growing pains of being in a new country, I have to take comfort in the little things.
Today, that comfort was my newly stocked pantry of American foods (I totally smuggle food in my suitcases)
I realize it doesn't look like much (it's actually rather bare looking) but you have no idea how grateful I am for some of these things...
Even though it's 80 degrees outside, I decided to drink a Fall beverage and make some pumpkin cookies, so I could basically eat my sadness away. Who cares that my dryer takes 5 1/2 hours to dry anything and I am really missing my USA peeps! Pumpkin makes everything better!
Wish me luck on beginning the journey all over again. Tchau!
